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Top 10 Weirdest Laws Around the World About Sex
People are weird.
We wear weird clothes, engage in weird habits, and come up with weird laws concerning everything from using water guns to ring in the New Year (Cambodia), to naming your baby something weird (Denmark), to “suspiciously holding a salmon” (UK).
But the buck doesn’t stop here – there are equally strange laws around the world regarding sexual conduct.
Yep, just when you thought it was safe to initiate sex in an Alabama pool hall, we’re here to break down ten strange laws around the world as they pertain to sex.
Up until recently, a city ordinance in Sandy Springs, Georgia decreed that sex toys fell under the classification of “obscene material”.
As a result, it was illegal to sell or buy dildos, vibrators, or any other type of marital aide unless for “medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial, or law enforcement purposes.” ((Ord. No. 2007-02-06, ? 1(ch. 12, art. 1, ? 2(g)), 2-6-2007; Ord. No. 2009-04-24, ? 2, 4-21-2009; Ord. No. 2017-03-05 , ? I, 3-21-2017)
In 2014, a woman named Melissa Davenport sued the city regarding the law.
Davenport suffers from Multiple Sclerosis.
While she may have qualified under the medical exception, the notion of having to ask a doctor to write her a prescription for a sex toy, to her, was ludicrous.
Happily, the ban was lifted in March of 2017, so there’s no need to worry if you find yourself in Sandy Springs without your favorite bedroom accessories…unless you’re visiting from Texas, that is.
2. Dong Regulation
Yep, turns out that in the Lone Star State, you may own a maximum of five dildos and no more.
The law doesn’t make any specifications about the size, material, or origin of the fake weiners.
However, it does assume that anyone in possession of six or more dildos is presumed to possess them with intent to promote obscenity.
It’s unclear as to how a drawer full of rubber penises would be promoting anything outside of hermitage, but getting slapped with a Class A Misdemeanor, a $4,000 price tag and the possibility of a year in the clink is pretty specific.
3. Tainted Love
There are some strange laws around the world when it comes to bestiality.
Rather than falling under a cruelty statute, in some parts of the Middle East, they are for far different reasons altogether.
In Oman, if a man has sexual relations with a milk-producing animal (such as a cow, a camel, or an ewe), the law states that the milk then becomes impure, and is no longer suitable for human consumption.
You’d think that the issue would be less about tainted milk and more about having sex with an animal, but we don’t write the laws; we just report ’em.
If you do find yourself emerging from a drunken stupor with a cloven-hoofed beauty in your tent, you’d better have some kindling and enough cash on hand to pay for your date:
The law further dictates that the animal must be killed and burned, and the person responsible for sodomizing the animal must reimburse its owner the full market value.
4. Painted Love
There’s something extra sexy about being nude in the water with your main squeeze…unless you’re in Georgetown, Guayana.
Of all the strange laws around the world, the consequence of breaking this one takes the cake.
While most places will simply slap you with a fine, lovers caught having sex while swimming in the buff are subject to both public humiliation and banishment.
This law dictates that the offenders are to first be coated with paint, before being placed on the back of an ass.
These unfortunates are then toured about the village in shame before being dropped at the outskirts of town to fend for themselves, never to return.
5. Check Mates
Apparently, Estonians in the nation’s capital take sex very seriously.
The law states that sex requires undivided attention, and something as distracting as a game of chess is therefore absolutely forbidden.
It’s simply too dangerous to do both at the same time, and in a way, it makes sense – one wrong move and it’s game over.
6. Three’s a Crowd
The UK is known for having some of the most absurd laws on their books, so it was only natural that they would make our list.
As it turns out, in Britain it is illegal for two men to have sex if a third man is in the property.
This law dates back to the industrial revolution when industrial city centers became more densely-populated.
These areas gave rise to both brothels and “Molly houses”, which were basically the gay equivalent of a brothel.
The law was enacted in an attempt to stop such acts of impropriety, but it was never repealed.
7. Time On Your Hands
Getting locked up in Indonesia is a touchy subject.
It just so happens that masturbation is not only illegal, but it comes with a sentence of up to 32 months in jail.
Now, it isn’t clear as to whether this pertains to cases of public masturbation, or if there are specialized Indonesian purity squads who patrol the neighborhoods.
One thing we are sure of, however – if you want to curb self-abuse, locking a guy in a cell for 32 months is probably the least effective way to go about it.
8. Mother May I
Meddling mothers-in-law are a tale as old as time itself.
It’s bad enough when your spouse’s mom is hassling you about how you raise the kids or where you take your wife on vacation.
Imagine if she were in the bedroom with you on your wedding night?
In the town of Cali, Columbia, men don’t have to imagine it, because it’s actually the law.
The mother of the bride is expected to witness the consummation of the marriage by being in the same room on the wedding night. Talk about awkward!
Do you suppose she’d criticize your performance?
9. Family Affairs
Speaking of moms and their daughters, if you’re one of those guys who likes to get intergenerational between the sheets, you can cross Santa Cruz, Bolivia off your list:
It’s illegal to have a threesome with a mother and her daughter.
Now, the odds of finding a super-hot mother/daughter combo are astronomical as it stands, so finding an attractive and willing pair would make just about any guy a living legend.
Unless you plan to brag about it to your cellmates, though, you’re better off taking your sexcapades elsewhere.
When you think about your dream job, you probably imagine a nice office, a six-figure income, or even being the head of a company.
In Guam, they’ve got loftier ambitions.
Apparently, there are men who roam the countryside offering to pop the prenuptial cherries of future brides (for a nominal fee, of course).
This is a result of a law which says that brides cannot be virgins.
Hey, it’s never too late for a career change, right?
Satisfy Your Kink (and Avoid The Clink)
While there are plenty of oddball laws that tell us what we can and can’t do sexually, there are also some workarounds.
Escorts are probably the safest go-to if you need to scratch a weird itch (just remember to always ask for more info about what is or isn’t acceptable first).
More Strange Laws Around The World
We’re always on the hunt for any weirdness we may have missed!
Let us know about any strange laws you’ve uncovered by leaving us a comment, and be sure to check out our other lists as well.