Angry Kirby

8 of the Angriest Video Game Characters Ever

We all get mad sometimes. While we all may may occasionally snap at a friend or go home and weep into a pillow, we rarely take action. We leave it to those virtual friends of ours who believe keeping calm is for chumps. Characters in point? Only those truly temperamental folk who allay their rage with violent fury. We celebrate those whose blood boils and veins pop. Those seething, loose cannons of fury  teetering on the edge of sanity, going off at any moment.

Buckle your seat belts. Anger management class is now out of session.

 

Asura (Asura’s Wrath)

Asura isn’t a happy camper. Cast out of the heavens after being framed for a treasonous murder, his wife slain, and their daughter kidnapped, Asura isn’t one to simply brood about it. Actually, Asura’s likely to do most things screaming. And why not, considering Asura’s players aren’t liable to be paying attention to his dialogue anyhow. They’re gonna be looking at that moon he just smashed into tiny, bite-sized pieces. That and literal rock hard abs of a god like no one’s business.

Seeing as he has a predisposed short-fuse, it doesn’t make it any harder for him to be pounding his enemies into oblivion when they’re all dressed up as unattractively fat metal Buddhas. Not that this red hot mess of a sunburn is a finer catch. No wonder the screaming.

Mad Meter: Boiling Over

 

Resetti (Animal Crossing Series)

Resetti doesn’t want you to be happy. Resetti basically wants you to go to hell. Why? Because you need to save your game and do it right, so Resetti has to go about cleaning up your messes. Longwinded speeches, temper tantrums, verbal abuse, there’s nothing that this feisty mole won’t use to fulfill his appointed rounds. Resetti doesn’t enjoy his job–the word “disgruntled” comes to mind–but he roles up his sleeve anyhow, for the sake of the time space continuum and because no one else will.

You just can’t seem to do that, now can you? There’s time to save, fish to find, lives to rewind. Ungrateful jerk. Pick axe in hand, Resetti is tasked with irritating, inconveniencing, and otherwise hindering you at every turn, and to put it bluntly, these tactics are genius. You’ll hate him for it nonetheless though, but he isn’t in it for making friends. He gets results. Now SCRAM!

Mad Meter: Nuclear Reactor

 

Trevor Phillips (GTA V)

GTA V Trevor PhillipsIf it’s violent, Trevor Phillips probably has fun doing it, and that’s the only rule you can gauge GTA V’s resident maniac by. Burning cars, sacking stores, or just smacking around some poor fool for no good reason, his general deviancy grants him the status of baddest person in a video-game. And the biggest ball ‘o fun in GTA’s garage.

Safe to say, if Trevor’s in the driver’s seat of life, he’s always driving angry with a load of rage-induced baggage in the back trunk. A rage-fueled monster more a victim of circumstance or just bad luck, he’d likely to drive over a bunch of baby chicks in his unmentionables than play the harp to Snow White’s song birds, Trevor’s arguably not one to gracing the cover of Los Santos’ GQ. Nonetheless, he’s himself, and that’s more than can be said about any other GTA character.

Mad Meter: P.I.S.S.E.D

 

Heihachi Mishima (Tekken, SoulCalibur)

Have a chip on your shoulder? Consider Heihachi. His son is a bit of a pushover, so what does he do? Heihachi throws the boy down a ravine, claiming that if he truly was his son he’d survive and climb back up. Praise be, Kazuya survived, so to spite him Heihachi adopted a Chinese son, Lee, and trained him to be Kazuya’s rival. What a tool.

Besides punching a lot of folks in Tekken and SoulCalibur, Heihachi tried to combine his DNA with an ancient ogre demon, threw his son down another pit (this time a volcano) and created his own army called the Tekken Force. Way to vent there, Heihachi. If he’s not compensating for something, than he certainly has us fooled. After all, he’s gelling that hair for some reason. . .

Mad Meter: Steaming

 

Raging Raven (Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots)

A leading member of the Outer Haven’s Beauty and the Beast unit, Raging Raven embodies as much of either quality. Beautiful and deadly, Raven harbors an “unquenchable rage” rooted in a fear of her namesake from her decidedly grim childhood. That same rage composes of keeping a flock of her titular black birds on hand, swooping around like Batman on estrogen.

She also happens to dress like a fashion model amidst the suggestive moaning because, you know, Hideo Kojima only demands only the best out of his female characters. She’s probably the easiest on the eyes for this list, although very much the girl you don’t want to introduce to your mum.

Mad Meter: Spiteful

 

Kratos (God of War) 


Kratos

Anger can get the best of you at the worst times and it’s no truer than for the Ghost of Sparta. Like Max Payne, he lost his wife and kid–only he was the one who killed them. It’s never really clear why, though. For whatever reasons, he leads an army for Ares’ into a village, burns it to the ground, butchering everyone, until the moment he realizes two of the bodies are of his family. Whups.

Naturally, that makes Kratos mad. Like, a lot mad. So he kills Ares, Pandora’s Box in hand, and becomes the next God Of War. Happy? Nah. A couple thousand mythical beasts, beheadings, and countless impaling later, he’s still not liable to be trusted in a fine china store. Meanwhile, we’re still mad we’ll have to see Kratos go up against a ‘roided up Homer by God of War: Descension.

Mad Meter: God of Roar

 

Kirby (Kirby Series)

kirby_triple_deluxeYou’d never know it with that pinky, but behind that adorable mask lies the soul of a little round terror. Or at least, that’s the picture of what every State bound cover bears. We all like to love and think of Kirby as some delightful pink puffball of. . . whatever he is. Yet it’s every American game cover that places has him sucking up shit like a vacuum outta hell. I am become Kirby, destroyer of worlds.

Now what does have Kirby so terse now. hmm? Well, you’d be out of shape if you lacked any real appendages too. Nonetheless, your mother likely told you it wasn’t polite to suck up people’s souls or steal their wonderful abilities like some copycat. Cheat.

Mad Meter: Sweet Treat Tantrum

 

The Fury (Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater)

We all have our bad days, some more than others. The Fury? Mad as a firecracker. After leaving The Boss’ elite Cobra Unit, the man known only as “The Fury” became a Russian cosmonaut. After a near fatal accident in space, his fall to Earth gave him a glimpse at the Earth engulfed in flame, a vision that’s haunted him ever since. Needless to day, he wasn’t exactly a sight for sore eyes either. He’d then develop a bit of pyromania, and lots of it, joining The Boss again to barbecue its titular superspy.

Granted, he’d be more crazy than mad in our book if it wasn’t for his redundant need to troll us with his namesake. Tearing open Fury’s flame-retardant suit, Snake “warmly” toasts Fury’s rage with a just death. It’s only afterwards that Snake’s chased around by two balls of fire–an otherworldly manifestation of Fury’s, well, fury. Ballsy to the end, Fury.

Mad Meter: Furious (aha, aha)

 

It’s a mad, mad world. . .

Angry Birds

What maddening inclusion did we leave out? Let it out, let it all out, right down in the comments down below! 



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