The Trailer Report – 4/25/14

Hello, all you movie watchers out there! Welcome to The Trailer Report, where we’ll break down all of the week’s biggest movie and TV trailers, and try our best to answer the ultimate question for all trailers: Does it look good?

This week we’ve got fake nazis, haunted catacombs, famed pirates, and a quartet of singing Jerseyites.

Let’s get started:


As Above, So Below

When a group of archaeologists begin exploring the catacombs beneath Paris they discover terrors beyond imagining.

Does it look good?  Not Really. I was with this trailer for the first bit; the real life underground catacombs of Paris are a great unused setting in cinema, and the initial psychological horror angle of it messing with their heads seems intriguing. But real quick the whole things seems to devolve into found footage jump scares and gory shock imagery, which I’ve always thought to be the laziest way to go about horror. Doesn’t help that the director is the one behind Quarantine and Devil, two fairly shallow horror movies. The signs do not point to great things.


Ping Pong Summer

A family vacation during the summer of 1985 changes everything for a teenage boy obsessed with ping pong.

Does it look good? Eh. Looks like a really standard coming-of-age story, with all the requisite plot points and characters. To be honest, I feel like I’ve seen this movie so many times now that I’m not sure what else there is to say inside the genre. The writer/director has only one other low budget feature and a slew of shorts under his belt, so he’s a bit of a question mark. The only really notable thing is that there seems to be three women over 50 starring in it, not just the usual token one.


Jersey Boys

Four young men from the wrong side of the tracks in New Jersey come together to form the iconic 1960s rock group The Four Seasons.

Does it look good? Could be. Seems like fun, and it reminds me more than a little bit of That Thing You Do, which was a great movie directed by Tom Hanks. Coincidentally, this one also is directed by a movie star turned director, Clint Eastwood. This seems like a strange pick for him, but at this point I trust him completely on his directorial decisions; after all, I also thought a movie about a racist old man was a strange choice, and then Gran Torino turned out to be great.


Third Person

Three interlocking love stories involving three couples in three cities: Rome, Paris, and New York.

Does it look good? Not really. I’m getting very strong vibes of 2012s The Words, which was a mess that this one seems to be emulating. This kind of pseudo-psychological melodrama where people are bemoaning not being able to feel the exact way they want to feel at the exact moment they want to feel it is self-serving pretension at it’s best. Movies like this also seem to be some kind of emotional ego-trip for the writers of them; they always seem to feature deep, conflicted writers with super-hot girlfriends. Go figure.


Walking With The Enemy

A young man, separated from his family in WWII, disguises himself as a Nazi SS Officer and uncovers more than just his family whereabouts.

Does it look good? Possibly. This looks like a solid WWII thriller/drama, with a concept I’ve wondered about myself; in the middle of a huge war, how can you tell one uniformed soldier apart from just some dude in a uniform? It may look a little cheap in the effects and production value department, but everything else about it looks pretty solid and intense.




The legendary pirate Blackbeard is pitted against a mysterious physician during the golden age of piracy in the 1700s.

Does it look good? It does. I’m willing to give a few actors and actresses a lot of leeway when it comes to making wacky decisions, and John Malkovich choosing to play a crazed, aging Blackbeard on an NBC television show is just that kind of decision. I enjoy that he seems to be playing  the famed pirate with a certain scenery chewing villainy. That said, this is sailing a bit close to Black Sails in content and style, and though I haven’t watched that one as of yet, it feels like one will likely end up cannibalizing the other. Still, Malkovich is enough for me to give this one a chance, and an edge over the competition.

That’s it for this week. Let me know in the comments which of these you’re most excited about, and which ones you want nothing to do with.

Until next week!