Luigi Upset

Eight Game Characters We Never Want To See Grow Up

What a wonderful thing the mind of a child is, and even more wonderful never to lose it. Yes, those days of gazing up at the sky just wasting your time away watching the clouds go by. A time of fancy, a time of innocence, it’s as hard being a kid as it is undeniably a joy. As we grow up, so many of our favorite characters never do. Find out which ones we never want to see hit the rest home and stay forever young.

                                                                          Miles “Tails” Prower (Sonic Series)

Tails is like the little kid brother you never had. Well, if you had fox brethren in the family, that is. Brave, polite, and just a little bit prone to techno babble, he’s everything you’d expect and want out of a plucky sidekick in the most adorable of ways. With a genius I.Q. of 300, he’s up there with Dr. Eggman for “brilliant people somehow not running a Fortune 500 company”, besides being the only anthropomorphic critter to wield machine-gun mechs while still in sneakers. A bit naive, but always the intuitive sort, Tails is proof of why there needn’t be an “I” in team. He may not be the fastest thing alive, (and that’s only since Sonic rides around in cars) but he’s the furrier Jimney Cricket we love to have on our shoulders when things go wrong. We’d hate for that youthful purity to ever change.

                                                                Captain Qwark (Ratchet & Clank series)

Selfish, vain, childish, rude, and a self-made legend who just happens to run around in green spandex as a full-grown adult, Captain Qwark is the very definition of “man-child” you hate to love. Part Captain Kirk, part comic relief in the vein of The Tick, Qwark talks big and has an even bigger ego to along with it. Always with the first with a plan and the last to see it through, Captain Qwark never fails to deliver the routine “captain obvious” quips that only add to Ratchet & Clank’s trademark, tongue-in-cheek humor. Nevertheless, the big oaf comes through when it’s convenient for him. As much as he lives for an audience for his misbehavior, it’s not a stretch to say that, deep down, he really does care about his friends…and whatever his loyal cult following of the “Q-Force” can be described as. Plus he’s got a soft spot for one-eyed monkeys. They can’t be all bad, right?

                                                                            MegaMan (Mega Man series)

Mega Man’s story plays out like something from a fairy-tale. Maybe it was chance, or maybe it was fate, but whether school-yard pick or destiny was the force behind his creation, Mega Man was blessed as one of the few to be untouched by the evil Dr. Wily’s hands as a son that Dr. Thomas Light never had (let’s pretend that old man version never happened, okay?). Programmed with the ability to tell good from evil, simple little “Rockman” was built into a mega weapon for peace. Thus, the blue Pinocchio was born. In every way, Mega Man’s a metal fountain of youth as human as the best of them. Stronger, faster, better, he still cares about right and wrong in the most black-and-white terms reminiscent of any young tike set on making the world a better place. He may not be a real boy, but he’s got it where it counts with a heart beating more vibrantly than even Dr. Wily’s.

                                                                                     Ness (Earthbound)

It’s hard being a kid. It’s even harder being one with psychic powers and battles aliens while still having to be home before supper. Defeating the “Embodiment of Evil” is a tall order for any boy not much bigger than the baseball bat he carries, but Ness and company do it with spring in their step. Ness harkens back to a simpler time, when little boys ran around in short shorts, when juvenile delinquents wore baseball caps the right way, and when kids ate burgers straight out of dumpsters. Though we may not remember that last part, Ness embodies something special in all of us, something real and imaginary all at once. Maybe it’s thinking real adventures happen in our world or the notion that even the smallest of us are stronger than we think we are that drives Earthbound’s heart. Whatever the case, a Ness with car payments or a 401k would never be the same. Sometimes you can just sit back and take in the sky above you.

                                                                                     Luigi (Mario series)

Luigi Mario Kart 7 It ain’t easy being green and it’s not any easier being Luigi. The year of 2013 might have been his, but it certainly didn’t force Mario’s younger brother to grow up any faster. Another year of haunting brought another night of kiddy cowering, so maybe it’s little wonder why he slept through most of his own RPG. If Luigi’s most identifiable by his cowardice, than it’s his miraculous courage that brings him through to the winning side. In his own childlike ways, Luigi’s an adult with the heart of a little kid, and that makes his adventures even more endearing than the straight-up heroics of his brother. That’s why we love him and can’t wait to see him back at it again.


                                                                                 Clementine (The Walking Dead) Clementine The Walking Dead The world is always a simple one to a child, but for someone growing up in a zombie apocalypse, it’s simply horrifying. Looking into poor Clementine’s judging eyes was hard enough in the first season of Telltale’s The Walking Dead, but it’s another gut-wrenching story altogether to play through each of her decisions ourselves. In more ways than we’d like to realize, Clementine represents everything that the world’s lost: its innocence. That’s what makes her story truly tragic and all the more compelling. If protecting her was hard enough of a task for Lee Everett, than shaping her into the survivor she has to be is probably the most heartbreaking challenge for players. For every betrayal and loss along the way, Clementine is her own family in a world where no one can be trusted and  the living is more dangerous than the dead. With the release of her second season of trials, we truly hate to see her grow up for fear of what choices she’ll have ahead, but grow up she shall.

                                                                                  Bowser Jr.

Bowser Jr. Paintbrush There’s nothing like being told you can’t do something to make you want to it more. Little else can better describe the Koopa King’s offspring, but Bowser Jr. easily tops them all. “No” is never an answer to this mischief-maker and no mustachioed plumbers are going to come between him and his princess-stealing, naughty fun time. While his older siblings sport weird, goth collars and  emo, adolescent shades, Bowser Jr.’s decidedly the youngster of the litter and maybe that’s why he’s such a delightful pest. In many ways, Bowser Jr.’s the spoiled brat inside all of us that we like to indulge, even if we know we shouldn’t. Getting your way is just so much more fun than sharing a kingdom, or admitting you lost fair and square in Mario Party. “Screw it, my thumb was sore! I won that mini-game! I did, I did, I did!”                    


Remember when adults would let you do anything? Well, good news that it’s still that way in heaven too. Lady Palutena’s angelic messenger can never catch a break when it comes down to divine protocol or a little teen angst. Fearless, heroic, and sporting an oh-so fine Toga, Pit’s as ready for a 60s frat-party as he’s up for demon slaying while showing off in style. Like that cocky kid in high-school, Pit’s never afraid to get mixed up with a hellish bully bigger than he is. Maybe his quick mouth might get him into more trouble than it’s worth, but there’s no question he always has his heart in the right place when it comes to saving the world. If being a rebel with a heavenly cause means being this sharp-looking, than maybe you’re never too old not to grow up.    

                                                                                  I’ll Never Grow Up!

Art imitating life in its quaintest fashion.

Art imitating life in its quaintest fashion.

 What characters do you not want to ever grow up? Tell us in the comments down below!

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  1. Stephen Pollard

    Loved seeing Ness on here. Earthbound is a great series (though I’ve only played one game from it) and its modernized culture with its hilarious slants and odd pop culture references make it so unique.
    Still haven’t gotten around to playing The Walking Dead, though.

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