Week of Love: Most Dysfunctional Relationships in Video Games

Valentines day is a time of love and video games. There are many famous relationships in video games; from the classics like Link and Zelda to newer ones like Nathan Drake and Elena Fisher. No all relationships can go smoothly, and whether they’re based around lies or unfaithfulness, these are some of gaming’s most dysfunctional.

 marioandpeachMario and Peach

Mario has rescued Peach countless times over the last 25 years. It must take a dedicated man and a stable relationship for Mario to go out of his way every time Bowser snatches up the princess (which is a lot). However, things don’t seem to be perfect in the Mushroom Kingdom. How does Bowser get to Peach all the time? It’s due to Mario being a neglectful partner. After being kidnapped twice by the same evil turtle, a responsible person would make sure that they never left the side of their loved one. Mario is out palling around with his brother, while Bowser has a free shot to capture Peach.

Not only does he not want to be around her at the castle, but he also chooses his green bother Luigi as both his tennis partner and his co-driver in Mario Kart. Not to mention that Bowser Jr. calls her “Mama Peach” in Super Mario Sunshine. No one ever denies this fact either, as even Peach herself just says,” I’m your mama?”, like she had a bad night out and is finally coming to realization. It’s clear that Mario is only rescuing Peach for one thing: someone to bake him cake.


pacmanrealPac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man

We don’t know much about the Pac-family, but we do know who wears the pants in the relationship. Pac-Man had been munching power pellets and people’s quarters for 2 years straight, and then Ms. Pac-Man showed up. She stormed in and took her husband’s job. Not only did she make her husband unemployed, she also did the job better in every way. The Ms. Pac-Man arcade game trumped its predecessor in every way, from the dynamic mazes down to the way the ghosts behaved. Ms. Pac-Man exerted her dominance over her husband and it has been that way ever since.

Even in the awful “sequel” Pac-Man 2: The New Adventure, Ms. Pac makes sure the player knows who is in charge. She sends poor Pac-man to do every menial task, such as getting milk for their baby child or fetching Pac-Man Jr.’s guitar. Pac-Man is a slave to his wife, and there’s nothing he can do that his wife can’t do better.


Jake Conway/ Prostitutes, Ex-Wives…Anyone, Really

Jake Conway is an insane person. This star of Ride to Hell Retribution sets out to murder an entire motorcycle gang after they kill his kid brother. However, on his journey Jake has time to woo the ladies, and it doesn’t take much for him to get in bed with them either. Jake thinks he’s helping these women, which he does by beating other men to death. He doesn’t discriminate against women either, whether it’s a prostitute or a woman who has to fix trucks for a living. Jake kills a woman’s ex-husband with his bare hands then proceeds to do the deed on that dead mans bed. Not to mention all these acts of love happen while fully clothed. Mr. Conway is a crazy man who cant keep a relationship past 2 minutes, and that’s why he’s on this list.



Shepard/ Your Choice

Commander Shepard has a split personality. One minute he may be helping an alien race, the next moment he’ll put a bullet in the back of his squad mate. Shepard is able to romance almost anyone on his crew by helping them out and chatting with them a bit. He doesn’t show them his renegade side, which causes him to behave violently and lose control at any moment.  Many people believe in the theory of not dating in the work environment, but Shepard takes this to a whole new level by taking his loved ones out on dangerous missions. These missions put both of their lives at danger, and it’s clear he doesn’t care, because he does it all the time. He even takes his loved ones on a complete suicide mission that could end his entire crew’s lives. Shepard puts the fate of the world in front of everyone’s lives, including his own. Some may say that’s heroic; we just think it’s baggage.


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