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Free of charge Ideas for Nintendo: Go Niche or Go Home!
Hyrule Warriors gets me excited. Not so much for the game itself (though I’m certainly interested), but for the possibilities it presents. I remember a time, a bygone era in which Nintendo would take these wild gambits. Seemingly random acts of pure abandon with their Ips that most companies would fire you for, just because you thought about them. I remember the release of the GameCube, the system that would not be launching with a platformer from the famous plumber, but with this weird ghost hunting thing from his less adorned brother. I remember the company who would hand over the reins of one of its most beloved Ip’s to a western developer, who went ahead and produced something totally radical for its generation. The fun part about that sentence was I could have been talking about Donkey Kong Country by Rare, or Metroid Prime by Retro Studios. My point is, the big N used to love taking risks. Sure the company still works in mysterious ways, but there has been a severe lack of wacky moves. The last truly great work of madness was probably Pikmin on the GameCube. Galaxy was fun and the Zelda titles haven’t failed me yet but at the risk of sounding petulant, it’s not enough. Not anymore. So Hyrule Warriors, a huge Ip given over to a company who specializes in making these high fantasy martial arts games based on century old Chinese novels… That’s crazy, that’s weird, and that’s more like it! So I want to take some time, and humbly suggest a handful of other ideas for your franchises Nintendo. Now these are just suggestions from a single guy, no need to take too much note. However, each of these titles would definitely sell over a million each, so you know… just bear that in mind.
Mario Dating Simulator
In Super Paper Mario there was this chapter in which you had to rescue Princess Peach from this man-child chameleon called Francis. Francis was your stereotypical nerd parody. The man had it all: the pocket protector, the glasses, being overweight and pimply and an obsession with a certain girl way out of his league. Of course I am referring here to the Princess. During the course of this chapter you will encounter certain homemade software he created called ‘swoon.exe’. A little mini-game he developed to help him learn how to talk to girls. Obviously this is just a small distraction, a little pointed joke aimed at the otakus of the world. But I think Nintendo could be doing themselves an injustice here. I did extensive market research into the matter (and by that I mean I Google’d ‘Princess Peach’ with the safe search off) and it looks to me like this bubble is about ready to burst. Cash in before it’s too late, the market is ready!
Metroid Baby Sitting Mama
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. The moment you read that first line you thought to yourself: “YES! This makes perfect sense”. It does doesn’t it? So much sense in fact that I can’t believe that Nintendo hasn’t done this already. The Mama series has proven very lucrative on the Wii and DS and clearly Metroid needs something to reinvigorate the formula. As we all learnt from Other: M the stalwart hero Samus Arran has actually been obsessed with being a mother all this time. Thank god we finally gave her a voice after all this time because as we all know it’s impossible to extrapolate any characteristics from a stoic, semi-silent heroine. So I say continue this trend and take it to its next logical step. It’s about time to combine the two most progressive feminine influences in all of gaming and really break down the patriarchy. The market is ready!
Pokémon Kart Racer
Whoa now, this is getting dangerously close to being a good idea. There are a lot of requested Pokémon games in the community: Pokémon Snap on the Wii U, a Pokémon fighting game, or the mythical Pokémon MMO. All those are fine concepts, but far too sensible for my tastes. Sensible just will not do. I like the juxtaposition of Karting and Pokémon. The franchises almost stand as polar opposites to one another. Pokémon has always been about bringing people together. Trading is a key aspect of the series and in the advent of the social age Pokémon has embraced the world’s interconnectivity whole heartedly. Global trading is great and being able to play with and chat to any of my friends almost anywhere on the planet is fantastic. Karting (specifically Mario Kart) has always torn apart friendships and brought nothing but animosity to the world. I’m pretty confident Russia invaded Georgia because Saakashvili used a blue shell of Putin. Bring the two together and I’m pretty confident the logical paradox of it all would cause an explosion in the Wii U’s CPU.
Dear Reader, you may have had a thought during that last paragraph, “Pokémon Karting could be a really good idea”. I can picture it; one Pokémon from each of the eighteen types fills out the roster. Instead of the usual foray of power ups scattered over the map, you can give the racers type specific move sets, if it’s possible to balance out use the already established rock paper scissors system to. Maybe bring in gym leader racers? The Elite Four? It could be interesting and a big shake up in the Kart racing genre. The Pokémon branding gives it great sales potential. Out of the madness comes something great.
This, I think, is what I’ve been trying to say the whole time. Being silly and being adventurous can lead to something great. I was just throwing around tongue in cheek suggestions and I accidentally came up with a halfway decent idea. This article is somewhat of a joke yes, but that doesn’t mean it is bereft of meaning. Silliness is something this industry has been sorely lacking; it’s been there, but not enough. If there is any company in the world poised to deliver this… it’s Nintendo. Risk is exactly that, risky. But there is an old maxim used by the British Special Forces that I think is very applicable: Who dares, wins. So be daring, you’ve already started.
The Market Is Ready.