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DOTA 2, I Just Don’t Get You: A Poem

DOTA 2, I Just Don’t Get You

by Eric Watson

 

DOTA 2,

I just don’t get you.

You started out life

as a Warcraft III mod,

created by some dude

by the name of IceFrog.

 

Now DOTA 2,

look at you!

Most played on Steam,

you’re living the dream,

But I’m afraid I still don’t get you.

Dota 2

My friends are all hooked

to this five on five game.

But every time I play

it still feels like the same.

 

“Mid, Top, and Bottom,”

I soon hear them shout,

But I’m still picking a hero

and left to pout.

 

A chosen hero

is a nightmare proposition,

with over 100 choices

from Zeus to the Ancient Apparition.

 

The heroes of the Radiant

and beasts of the Dire

locked in eternal struggle

with no one the wiser.

 

The Sniper, The Tinker,

and the great Earthshaker

battle the evil forces

of the Warlock and Spirit Breaker.

 

I learn about Farming, Laning

Nuking and Ganking.

Feeding our foes

and lessening our woes.

But it’s already too late,

a high level Luna

has sealed our fate.

Dota 2

DOTA 2,

It’s not you it’s me

That can’t figure out

to use a Tango on a tree.

 

I do as I’m told

and stick to my lane,

but soon myself stunned

by the Fiend’s Grip of Bane.

 

The agony of screams

and smashing of keyboard

soon follows suit

after the Meepo horde.

 

My perilously shortened life

has become a catalog of strife;

between Batrider’s fires,

Broodmother’s spiders,

and Ursa’s furious swipes

causing entire team wipes.

 

When heroes clash

in defense of their ancients

all my training is drained

as is my patience.

 

Ghosts and serpents

and rivers of lava

deprive me of ever

becoming braver

to face the demons

that march at me

instead of running back

to eat a tree.

Dota 2

DOTA 2,

I just don’t get you.

“It gets better,”

my enthralled friends plead,

“Just give it more time!”

But I’m having more fun

coming up with a rhyme.

 

The top guide for new players,

“Welcome to DOTA, You Suck”

You know what DOTA 2,

I don’t really give a f—



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