People Spent 18 Billion Hours On An Xbox Last Year

Yep, 18 billion hours.  Every human on Earth spent almost three hours playing Halo 4, watching breaking Bad on Netflix or using iHeartRadio as background noise.  Also somebody rented a movie from them.  However it was happening, Xbox was a popular choice for entertainment.  Microsoft’s senior vice president Yusuf Mehdi released some impressive numbers, but he’s Microsoft’s VP.  That’s what he’s supposed to do.  Our job, as hard-nosed video game journalists, is to uncover the facts they don’t tell you.  You are welcome in advance.

Note:  They didn’t tell you these things because they are not true.  Just clearing that up.

Family content viewing on Xbox Video grew over 400 percent

What they didn’t tell you:  This figure is exacerbated byt the fact that the “have Netflix running all day because I forgot to turn it off” group grew by an alarming 87,433 percent.  Also, The Walking Dead does not count as family viewing material, so that’s skews those numbers by approximately everybody.

Xbox 360 has been the number one selling console for 24 consecutive months in the U.S.

What they didn’t tell you:  Xbox 360 has been the number one selling console nowhere else for every consecutive month it’s been out.  That’s an impressive figure.

24 million Kinect sensors have been sold worldwide

What they didn’t tell you:  Bill Gates personally bought 8 million.  Still nice, though.

What are you going to do with all those Kinects, you ridiculous man?

According to Experian Simmons Spring 2012 Media survey, 38 percent of Xbox Live players are female

What they didn’t tell you:  Well, if the party animals at the Experia Simmons Spring 2012 Media survey say so, it must be true.  Those crazy a-holes know women better than anybody.  WOO!  EXPERIA SIMMONS SPRING 2012 MEDIA SURVEY RULES!

The Hunger Games broke the record for biggest opening day on Xbox Video

What they didn’t tell you:  This one’s actually true.  Somebody hooked up their Xbox to a movie theatre screen, which apparently nobody has ever done ever for any reason ever, and the resulting stream was in fact the biggest Xbox movie ever.

76 million consoles have been sold worldwide

What they didn’t tell you:  This includes:  consoles sold at retail, consoles sold second-hand, consoles sold third-hand, consoles given away, consoles thrown away, Wii U’s, consoles sent in for a repair, and takes into account the fact that consoles sold in December count three times.

Experian data also shows that 54 percent of the community has at least one child in the household

What they didn’t tell you:  Studies were conducted at the parent-teacher conference at the school down the street.

The Xbox Live community now boasts 46 million subscribers, a 15 percent YOY growth

What they didn’t tell you:  YOY actually stands for Yelling Over You, which means that, despite any argument you may come back with, they are going to continue raising their voice by 15% increments until you can’t be heard anymore.

Do you just want me to go another fifteen percent?  Xbox is gaining 200 billion subscribers a year.  THE NUMBERS ARE SOLID.

Entertainment app usage grew 57 percent year over year

What they didn’t tell you:  An astounding 98% of Xbox Live apps accounted for a combined zero minutes of entertainment app usage.

Since July, the Xbox Live community burned 200 million calories using Kinect workout programs and games

What they didn’t tell you:  People holding their controllers while their Kinect is on are not doing curls.  According to the numbers, people not using Kinect whilst playing Xbox 360 gained over 500 million calories, so…yeah.  People are still fat.  Your move, Microsoft.

Source: Game Informer

If you for some reason didn’t hate what Blake had to say, check out the Top 10 Video Game Cities, or the Top 10 Best Party Members Ever.

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  1. KentKal-el

    Wow Watson you saved us all from information that wouldn’t have hurt anyone in any form , with this kind of so called journalism the world & all it people will be saved.

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