scary xmas 2

Damn You Xmas Curse!

Christmas has now come and gone and while we breathe for the first time in weeks, we all must reflect on the good and bad occurrences that came along with the wonderful holiday. Most of us will think about the numerous video games we received and which one will be played first, or we will think about the awkward family gathering you were forced to attend for  a minimum requirement of two hours. Sure, there was food and well-wishing all around, but these are precious moments that should be spent head-shooting something. I had to attend such a family gathering and was begrudgingly cordial while I nodded and laughed at things being said. But I continued to be tortured by knowing that I was hours away from playing video games. I wanted to be at home wearing just my new boxers and/or new robe. What’s the point of getting all this swag if it’s just going to sit in an empty house?

So, I continued to trot on oblivious to how lucky I was to be spending time with a family that wasn’t a total train wreck, while I wished and wished and wished I was going home shortly. I posed for photos with everyone. I idly engaged in conversation during dinner. I even mustered up the courage to hug a few people while desiring-craving-pleading in my head to go play my new games.

So, the moment finally arrived. The baby was in bed, the wife was nestled quietly into the body-molded nook in our couch, and I had a 22oz microbrew and hours to spend with my XBox…

There is the popular concept of Naughty Vs. Nice during the Christmas season that equates to Punishment Vs. Spoils based upon a yearly evaluation by a velour-cladded jolly man. Whether or not you truly buy into this concept is up to you, but I have a notion that a large man who lives alone with reindeer is laughing his chimney-filling a** off.

Once comfortable and content I turned the T.V. on and, pop, my DLP TV’s bulb blew out. Now, this could be my own fault because I still own a DLP TV, but I also think it was my naughty deeds catching up to me. Consider it irony, but because I am a snooty writer who likes books more than television, I don’t have a second T.V. and now had to wait two weeks to get a replacement bulb. I didn’t get to play a single minute of my new game!

So, I guess I can reflect upon this as a sign to be more productive, or to be good and wholesome all year long, but instead I am going to read some comics and complain on online forums. I think this is the lazy way of being productive, but this is also America, and Christmas, so leave me alone!

I hope everyone had an amazing Xmas!