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Who’s Your Pick for the Zombie Apocalypse?
Viruses, nuclear war, natural disasters…whatever caused it, the zombie apocalypse is upon us. In an effort to stay alive, you’re organizing a team of five video game characters to aid you as you travel the world in search of some sort of safe haven. The staff has shared their picks. Who are yours?
Adult Link (Legend of Zelda): He always comes out on top. He’s a natural leader by example. He doesn’t even have to talk. His actions will either enforce a retreat, rally the troops, or inspire hope. Nothing more needs to said.
Augustus Cole (Gears of War): Every team needs a tank. It just happens Cole fills two positions: the tank and the comic. There is always a need for a smile and no one smiles or laughs harder than when the bigger guy in the group is also the funniest.
Virgil (Devil May Cry): Aside from a leader, tank, and comic, every team needs that guy who is going to stick to his guns and keep the team on track. Laughs and rest periods are one thing but there is a goal here: survival and the find of a safe harbor. This person is usually also the guy who goes the “dirty deeds”. Putting infected humans down when bitten, ending misery in the hopeless, and general ruthlessness when it is truly needed.
Liara (Mass Effect): You need a techie, someone who can make something out of nothing. A zombie killing MacGuyver. Liara was number one on my smartest video game characters list and I can’t think of anyone else who I’d rather have fill this need. Plus, she could heal if she wants to.
Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid): He might be a bit of a loner but he watches out for the people who will help him survive. That is the best description for a team’s sure shot or sniper. Snake has expertise in almost any form of projectile weapon – from a Berretta handgun to a Nikita launcher. He has pin point accuracy, tends to always be in the right spot at the right time, and has a knack for getting out of the stickiest situations.
Mordin Solus (Mass Effect): I need to think long term here. Not only can Mordin fight when needed, but he has the brains to, just maybe, end the war with a cure. I mean, he cured the genophage, how hard can Solonum be, right? His tech skills will undoubtedly be useful in any surveillance missions, and his prowess as a healer is second to none.
Master Chief (Halo): My obvious choice for zombie killer pro, Master Chief is my big gun. His armor will (hopefully) keep him safe from infection, and his wide array of weaponry can be used in a variety of situations. Despite his obvious social discomfort, people seem to want to follow Master Chief. Also it’s nice to have somebody that can dome a zombie from 300 yards.
HK-47 (KOTOR): HK-47 is basically my heavy munitions. He is completely safe from infection, and is absolutely incapable of empathy. Zombie hunting can be a brutal business, and I need someone I know can get the job done. HK-47 is that someone. His cold yet effective calculations could also someday save our lives, making him more than qualified for the job.
Ezio (Assassin’s Creed): Sometimes you need a close-quarter specialist, and who better than the ultimate assassin. He has a decent ranged game, so he’s not always in peril, and he is capable of making stealth runs for supplies. He has experience leading a team, and his abilities are top notch. Oh yeah, he is also a freaking assassin.
Frank West (Deadrising): Again, I am inclined to pick experience over ability, but I feel like I get a little of the best of both worlds here. Frank has dealt with a terrible zombie scenario, yet has the ability to fight back. Also, should I need to sway public opinion (for some reason), I have the most persuasive journalist in the biz.
GLaDOS: I would like GLaDOS along with me for the apocalypse for constant motivation and a reminder of when I may be getting fat. Plus, the drive to keep on going for some cake will help.
Heller (Prototype 2): Heller from Prototype 2 would be my ultimate weapon. The way this guy tears apart mutated creatures should translate pretty well to zombies.
Gunstringer (The Gunstringer): Because Gunstringer always shoots whatever I point at.
Trip (Enslaved): Ahem, for my own personal reason.
Batman (Arkham Asylum/Arkham City): I figure Heller will take care of all the zombies, so why not spend time during the zombie apocalypse hanging out with The Dark Knight.
Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid) – The ultimate soldier, adept in guns, explosives, stealth, and more. During battles with zombies, he’d be a one-man wrecking crew. During downtime, he could train other members of the group (and me) how to use some of the more high-tech weapons or lay traps for the zombie horde to fall into. He’d be the perfect party member.
Urdnot Wrex (Mass Effect) – My team would be a sarcastic badass on it. Furthermore, his krogan biology might be able to resist the zombie virus strain. These aren’t the Reapers, after all. His penchant for weapons would make him a fast learner, and his lust for battle would make him an expert tactician and soldier. I need Wrex.
Fox McCloud (Star Fox) – Seems like an odd choice, because his hand-to-hand, on the ground combat isn’t all that great. However, zombies can’t fly, and air support would be a highly valuable asset in this war against the undead. Fox and his Arwing would help us with airstrikes, gathering supplies, an eye in the sky for reconnaissance, and more. It may sounds strange, but Fox would me more valuable than most people think.
Derek Stiles (Trauma Center: Under the Knife) – I can see a lot of people choosing combat-heavy characters, but I refuse to forget a medic. Derek Stiles is one hell of a surgeon and would pose as the perfect medic. He could contain infection, heal wounds, and perform emergency surgeries if need be. If the zombies got to him, we’d be screwed, but in the meantime he’d be one hell of an asset.
Jill Valentine (Resident Evil) – Experience with zombies. Adept in many different weapons, as is Solid Snake. Back-up medic due to her experience with herbs. Jill would have a lot to offer our team should all hell break loose. I know I’d trust her to have my back.
Marcus Fenix (Gears of War): He brings the brawn to any situation and with an arsenal that rivals those of the most hardened gun-toting veterans. Marcus would make any zombie scream with fear. ‘Nuf said.
Jecht (Final Fantasy X):After disappearing for more than a decade, Jecht then became an enormous creature capable of creating wormholes and the like at will. Sure he loves to sleep and dream while he’s at it but the dude sure does pack a punch. Zombies beware!
Jak (Jak and Daxter): Jak had an edgy transformation between the first and second titles in the series and came out guns blazing. No zombie could outwit, outsmart the time-travelling humanoid who could make the biggest baddies look like sissies.
Ratchet (Ratchet and Clank): Need an arsenal large enough to rip the galaxy a new one? Ratchet’s your man… or marsupial… or whatever group he falls into. From claws, to suck cannons, to RH1NO’s, this guy has been dishing out the hurt for years. It just goes to show that though he’s a little guy, a big gun to boot would make anyone a little scared.
Commander Shepard (Mass Effect): If there’s one focused, resilient leader whom I would die to have on my side in light of a zombie apocalypse its the ever-reliable commander of the Normandy. This guy has been through thick and thin to get where he is today so a zombie apocalypse is no big deal.
Gordon Freeman (Half-Life) – You would be a fool to deny the aid of an MIT educated, crowbar wielding badass in the event of an undead apocalypse. Gordon is smart, calm under pressure, has dealt with a few headcrab zombies, and wont annoy you with useless conversation. Oh, and sporting an ammo-less gravity gun that gives its bearer the power to throw cars seems a little invaluable to the effort.
Kratos (Gears of War) – Kratos destroyed the Gods. If he can’t slay hordes of mindless flesh eaters than we are all doomed. Thank Kratos (once a God) he can. His blades are ranged and furious and he has an uncanny rage that can ravage cities. There is no “getting overwhelmed” with this Spartan at your side.
Simon Belmont (Castlevania 2) – This vampire/demon hunter has seen his fair share of ghouls. Plus, he killed the king of the undead, the Count himself. And lets be honest, who doesn’t want a Belmont in their apocalypse party.
Isaac Clarke (Dead Space) – Nobody kills zombies like Sir Isaac. Clarke is a bonafide zombie killer and brings and arsenal that includes some of the most amusingly gruesome weapons. Also, let’s not forget, he is an engineer. He and Freeman would work extremely well together. Clarke is an excellent compliment to a team of zombie killers.
Zeke and Julie (Zombies Ate My Neighbors)- Yup. Zeke and Julie are my fifth member. Sure they are technically two people, but they are kids, so together they add to make one adult. More on the topic of age, if these teenagers can fend off bath salts addicts by themselves, then they are more than deserving of a place in this squad of undead-slaying professionals.
Juliet (Lollipop Chainsaw): Move over Ash, there’s a new chainsaw wielder in town! Don’t be fooled by her cuteness, Juliet’s a true zombie killer. Plus, she would provide much needed happiness to the very depressing zombie apocalypse with the sparkles, hearts and rainbows that pour from her defeated enemies.
Thrall (World of Warcraft): Why not have powers of the elements at your side as you fight the zombie hordes? Thrall can also heal, which is important to make sure the team doesn’t get zombified, assuming magic can cure the infection. If not, then his offensive magic and survival skills would still be useful.
Bloodrayne (Bloodrayne): She’s killed Nazis, vampires, demons and a whole bunch of other kinds of monsters, so taking out zombies will be no problem. Plus, she’s a half-vampire, so the zombies may not even consider her as a meal, which could end up being helpful if we get trapped.
Sheeva (Mortal Kombat): She can kill four zombies at a time, one with each of her hands! Sheeva’s a savage fighter, and since she’s not quite human, she may even be immune to the virus. This really is my “Cool Factor” pick, as Sheeva is one of my favorite characters of all time.
Sir Arthur (Ghosts and Goblins): He’s a heavily armored knight that’s fought through hordes of monsters before, so he’d totally be up for annihilating zombies. With his knowledge of combat, he would be an excellent tactician, though he can only take two hits before dying.
I’ve also got an honorable mention character that wasn’t quite enough of a team player to make the cut:
Vertigo (Primal Rage): This is my strangest pick, but hey, who wouldn’t want a monster on their side versus the zombies? Part cobra, part velociraptor, Vertigo would
tear the zombies apart, but she would probably end up being a headache as she might prove to be uncontrollable and possibly traitorous. Plus, no one likes a team mate that might eat you while you’re sleeping. Good luck going solo, poison breath!
Big Daddy (BioShock): The perfect tank. Not only is he strong and destructive, but he’s heavily armored. While he’s tossing and drilling zombies away from the rest of the group there is no fear of him being infected.
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider): A great backline gunslinger/side kick. Not only can she wield handguns like none other, but after seeing her secure treasures from around the world I’m sure she’d be good at gathering supplies. And when the time comes we can rebuild the human race together.
Agro (Shadow of the Colossus): Who knows what the transportation situation is going to be like in the zombie infested world. Agro would be a noble companion and great way to flee from the zombie hordes.
Little Jacob (GTA 4): Little Jacob knows how to use a gun. He also has a car full of them at all times, which would be a huge advantage in the zombie apocalypse. Little Jacob would also bring the music and the entertainment.
Gandalf (LOTR): He might not be from video games originally, but he’s defiantly one of the strongest characters of all. This master of magic would see us through any dilemma. His magic, good for both offense and defense would be helpful, but his wisdom would be his most important trait.
Kratos (God of War): This might seem like a boneheaded choice, but once you don’t think about it, it makes sense. Kratos, as bullish and stubborn as he is, is always set on a singular mission. There is no such thing as hidden agendas with him. Besides, we all know there is still softness in Kratos, so there will be a small bit of sympathy, which I will exploit to help me kill zombies.
Nathan Drake (Uncharted): This seems like a more obvious choice. Drake is an explorer first, and a sarcastic badass second, so he will surely know his way around. Besides, given his pedigree on killing countless bad guys in the Uncharted games, killing zombies will be a breeze for him.
Leon Kennedy (Resident Evil): Again, another obvious choice. He’s seen his fair share of horrors, first in Resident Evil 2, and more recently in Resident Evil 4. With his upcoming adventure in Resident Evil 6, Leon will know exactly how to handle a zombie horde. Plus, his hair will give me something awesome to stare into.
Beetee (from Catching Fire, the second book of The Hunger Games): If you have read Catching Fire, you know exactly why I pick Beetee to be on my squad. He has an incredibly eye for detail, so he might catch something when the rest of us might have missed it. Plus, he’s just straight up genius-level material. It’s almost a no-brainer to have him on my team.
Alice (Resident Evil Film Series): Amazingly played by Milla Jovovich, Alice is the quintessential example of women being able to handle themselves. I mean, have you seen her in the Resident Evil movies? Sure, her character is as flat as paper, but the one thing she knows how to do is kick ass and chew bubblegum, and she’s always out of bubblegum. I would not hesitate to have Alice join my squad, because she is that damn good.
Marcus Fenix (Gears of War): With the build of a roided-out gorilla and zero hesitation to kill whatever he comes across, Marcus is an obvious choice for my team. He’s seen some messed-up stuff, so I figure zombies won’t even faze him.
Alyx Vance (Half-Life 2): Why Alex? She’s a level-headed chick who’s dealt with zombies and has some skill in technology, which is more than likely to come in handy. Plus, she seems like she’d be pretty cool to hang out with, and I’m gonna need a friend at the end of the world.
Nathan Drake (Uncharted): He’s good at exploring, can climb anything, and knows how to use a gun. Plus, I’m a female human with a pulse, and I find nothing wrong with having a bit of eye candy around to remind me that not all is lost.
Grunt (Mass Effect): With his Krogan rage and tank-like form, Grunt is an obvious choice. Nothing scares him; he’s full of the hot-blooded rage that makes the Krogan both fearsome and relentless.
Dr. Karin Chakwas (Mass Effect): With the living dead shuffling around and possible radiation everywhere, it’s inevitable that we’ll need a doctor. Dr. Chakwas is a brilliant doctor with a tough edge, and she won’t shy away from the worst of injuries or infections.