Video Game Jobs I Wish I Had

I’ve worked in retail, industry, and management. All three suck. Humans have the worse selection in jobs. That’s why we give all the cool jobs to the game characters! We want to live that kind of life. We want to be the hero, or in some cases the villain. We want to have that huge success in life that is so hard to grasp. Video game jobs are where it’s at!

Take Wreck-It Ralph, for instance. He was tired of his day-in, day-out “never win” job. So what did he do? He branched out into other genres of gaming. He has that opportunity. We don’t.

Let’s pretend for a moment that we do, though. You’re sitting in a circular room and it is in a grid fashion. Think Tron here. A computer’s voice comes on and tells you that you have been selected for virtual job assessment. You get to pick from any video game jobs in any announced or released game.

Which one would you pick?

That is a seriously tough question to ask to a big gamer. They’ve seen so much. How could they possibly remember every job they’ve seen in games? The computer tells you to pick five jobs off the top of your head to help narrow down your choice.

Here are mine with the last one being my choice. Share yours in the comments or on the forums!


Normandy Crew Member – Mass Effect

To work on the Normandy along with Commander Shepard would be awesome. I wouldn’t care if I was an active field member going on missions with Shepard or just working the comms. The thing is, Shepard is the ideal boss. He fights for you. He believes in you. If something came up that was harmful for you, he’d come to your aid. In the midst of terrible things, Shepard always finds the time to help people out. Who wouldn’t want to work for that kind of person?


Test Subject – Portal

So this is quite hazardous but what about video game jobs isn’t? GLaDOS isn’t the absolute worst boss but she won’t be winning any awards any time soon. As for the job itself, give me some of those shock boot thingies and a portal gun and I’m going to be gung-ho for work! Portal is amazingly fun to play and you best betcha that experience would really help out here. You know the hazards. You know the tricks. Plus GLaDOS’ humor would factor into a fun work place.


The Dragonborn – Skyrim

A bit more adventurous than the other two but who doesn’t want to be able to scream and shout your way to victory? The Dovahkiin is a special person in the world. His presence is significant and his abilities are heightened. Being able to run around a snowy sandbox world with any weapon I choose would be exciting. Of course, at some point I’d have to realize that Alduin and the other dragons aren’t going to keep waiting on me and I’d have to stop pillaging villages and Dwemer ruins.


A god – God of War/Black & White

We watched as Kratos ascended from Spartan champion to the God of War. He has plenty of fun to go along with that promotion. However, all things must come to an end. Being a god wouldn’t be perfect. We saw as they fought amongst themselves and eventually cast Kratos out. Plus, the whole theme of the games were how a mortal took down the Olympian gods. There goes the immortality job factor. Still, the powers of a god are near limitless. I could have some fun with that, Black & White-style.


Batman – Arkham City

Video game jobs can be exciting, thrilling, and epic. There is nothing that suits those aspects more like being Batman. Batman has it all. He is a normal human with a big brain and an even bigger budget. Just like Sheldon says on the Big Bang Theory, “I couldn’t become Green Lantern unless I was chosen by the guardians of Oa, but given enough start-up capital and an adequate research facility, I could be Batman.” The gadgets, the infamy, Talia al Ghul, the Justice League. Oh man, I could go on and on about how Batman would be the coolest job ever. Though, I’m sure every one of you knows that. He’s the damn Batman!


Image courtesy of KnitCents.