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Gaming’s Smartest Characters

Everyone hates dealing with a know-it-all. They believe they are infallible. There is no getting around there. In games, we come across plenty of characters who think they are the supreme intelligence in the world, galaxy, or even universe. They constantly annoy us with pop-up help and tips. They teach us history. Most important, these characters help guide us through our adventure. They are main characters, supporters, background voices but all of them are vital to their series. Who truly are the smartest video game characters of all time?

Now, these aren’t just puzzle breakers or those who can take directions really well. You won’t see Gordon Freeman or  Phoenix Wright on this list. Sure, Gordon is an MIT grad but have you ever seen him do anything with it besides listen to people over a radio and hit things? Phoenix Wright is a great lawyer and even a bit of a detective but aside from that, he takes in clues and deduces outcomes from it. These following characters have immense knowledge stored in their heads and use it on a daily basis. They don’t move boxes to get up to a ledge or have clues sitting in front of them.

 

10. Mog (Final Fantasy)

Mog is a recurring character in Final Fantasy. He’s been seen as a playable character but most of the time he’s just there. He has a pip in his step and is generally happy to be wherever he is. Talk to Mog and you’ll start to see that there is more to this little guy then his appearance shows. Mog is extremely smart. He knows just about everything the player needs to know and he normally has more to tell as the game goes on. Thanks to Mog’s knowledge, Final Fantasy had plenty of “jump-on” games for new fans thanks to the various knowledge and tips he would bestow upon you. Even in Final Fanstasy XI Online, one of Mog’s fellow Moogles is vital to how the game plays. He’s in your house 24/7! Helping you out with info, jobs, and tons of other stuff. Mog is the best moogle around and that just shows you how smart these little guys are.

 

9. Pokedex (Pokemon)

While it doesn’t talk in the game, the TV show gave it a voice and personality. Also, really, who didn’t watch the show then play the games and read Pokedex descriptions out loud or in your head with the voice?… Really? Just me? Anywho, the Pokedex knows absolutely everything about Pokemon. This thing carries around tons and tons of knowledge about every known Pokemon including footprints, weight, heights, eating habits, personalities, and tons of other obscure things. Want to know how Ditto can copy other Pokemon? Ask the Pokedex. What’s a Mareep? Ask the Pokedex. How much food does a Snorelax take in during a full year? Yeah, you guess it. Ask the Pokedex. It wasn’t just a tool to keep track of how many little monsters you caught. It was a vast electronic tome of everything Pokemon.

 

8. Nathan Drake (Uncharted)

Talk about a know-it-all. Drake is gaming’s ultimate history buff for Earth. All he has to do is look at something and he’ll tell you where he’s at, what civilization was here, what kind of pot is sitting on the ground over there, who created the wall mural on the half-destroy ruins, and who is trying to steal it. Drake also has a helluva attitude about him and doesn’t take crap from anyone. No one else on this list can take it, speak it, and dish it back out like Nathan Drake. The Pokedex can’t hold a gun and headshot ten guys in an ancient Aztec meeting ground. Though, that would be fantastic to watch. Anywho, Drake sits on this list as the official most badass and brilliant dude in gaming.

 

7. Otacon (Metal Gear Solid)

If Nathan Drake is the most badass smart guy, then Otacon is the biggest coward. Still, the otaku is an extremely brilliant scientist and engineer. He knows just about everything there needs to be known about Metal Gear projects, military and secretive operations or groups, and all the known info on the Patriots. Otacon is Snake’s best friend and closest confidant, which definitely means something. Snake saw in him a great mind, asset, tool, and even friend. Sure, that sounds harsh but you can’t deny the fact that Otacon fulfilled each of those aspects. He explained every weapon, item, and area to Snake. He helped him find new Metal Gears and dismantle them. He even helped Snake take out the biggest enemy of them all. I won’t say who or what because of spoilers, though.

 

6. Dr. Kleiner (Half-Life)

This is the person everyone should be talking about when Gordon Freeman comes up. Kleiner is the brains behind just about everything in the Half-Life series. Whatever Gordon does is most likely because Kleiner needs it done. It was Kleiner’s tech that helped Gordon get around, keep safe, and eventually save City 17. Kleiner was also the voice behind the evacuation of the city. I don’t want to take anything away from Gordon, as he did do all the dangerous work but it sucks how everyone tries to give Freeman the credit and use his MIT degree as defense. Gordon is the muscle of the series. Kleiner is the brains.

 

5. Grimoire Weiss (NIER)

An obscure entry, you say? You must not have played NIER. You should. It is heavily underrated and one of the best RPGs out there recently. There are two Grimoires featured in the game and Grimoire Weiss is the one you see the most. Grimoire Weiss accompanies the main character and gives him access to spells, attacks, and upgrades. That’s handy on its own but what Grimoire Weiss really brings to the table is his vast knowledge on… well, everything. Grimoire Weiss knows all history and just about everything you see he knows about. The best thing about Weis– oops, I mean Grimoire Weiss. You must say his full name! A-hem. The best thing about Grimoire Weiss is his ego, temper, and ability to piss off the main character.

 

4. Deckard Cain (Diablo)

Stay awhile and listen! Cain knows everything from human history, demonic history, and angelic history. That is three planes of existence, people. Deckard Cain has found this all out by traveling the world, finding ancient scrolls and texts, translating them, and then consumed all of the knowledge. Cain created a tome full of history from the beginning of time up to the destruction of the Worldstone. He covers everything from all of the Evils, the Angiris Council and the Archangels that sit on it, and every event and war in known history. The best part about all of this? You can buy it in book form! The Book of Cain, a real world book not in-game, details everything that Cain found in his travels. This kind of also makes Cain a badass. He traveled the world, its dungeons, and temples to find all of this stuff out. We’ve played Diablo games. We know just how dangerous every inch of land is.

 

3. Cortana (Halo)

Master Chief’s lifeline. Cortana is very important to the series. She holds a ton of information, strategy, and enough realistic AI to provide a pick-me-up during bad situations. She is basically self aware and through that she becomes a friend and confidant to Chief. She knowledge is actually not annoying in Halo, either. It’s helpful, quick, quirky, and to the point. Cortana has no time for crap. She understands the situation and tells you all you need to know and that’s it. It’s a real shame that they are brings more and more sexuality to Cortana as the number on the front of the box raises. Her character isn’t meant to imbue naughty images or thoughts in the minds of the players. She is meant to give a strong female and level headed presence to a galactic war.

 

2. GLaDOS (Portal)

You had to have known we’d get to her sooner or later. GLaDOS (which I’m just going to type as Glados for now on to give my Shift key some rest) is a self aware robotic shell infused with a human mind. She is insanely smart and has come up with elaborate testing modules to enhance the human condition and challenge the cognitive portions of the brain. Why does she do this? Because she has to. She needs to test. Testing must be done and be done on time. You know what else she is? Insane. GLaDOS basically tries to kill you in every level and every time you outsmart her she gets more ruthless. Remember that time where you were on the platform and the fire and she tried to kill you? Good times.

 

1. Liara T’Soni (Mass Effect)

Liara is the authority of Prothean history and technology. Which also makes her the authority on all history and technology. Everything basically comes from Prothean tech in some way or form. Liara has spent her life learning about all things in order to understand. She simply wants to understand all things so she can help. She uses her knowledge to further the species of the galaxy and to help fight off the Reaper invasion. Her info and findings help build the Crucible. Not only is she super smart but she can build up tactics on the fly and is very handy in a fight. Her potent ability with biotics makes her deadly. Even during her romantic scenes, Liara stays true to her scientific mind. She tries to sense the logic in most things but understands that logic sometimes needs to be put aside for the greater good. There is no other character who employs knowledge in the way she does. Liara is not only the smartest video game character but also one of the best representations of women in this medium. She is sexy yet refined. She is smart and calculating but caring and thoughtful. She possesses every tool that humans wish they could have. She is an example of her race and an inspiration to the others.



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