25 Characters that Could be in a Microsoft Battle Royale


PlayStation gamers often criticize the Xbox for having a lack of exclusives but as this list will show there’s actually a formidable back-catalogue Microsoft could delve into. Now that PlayStation will be getting it’s answer to Smash Bros. Brawl Microsoft has been left out in the cold. What characters could make the cut in this hypothetical game?

Master Chief (Halo) – an obvious choice perhaps but also an absolutely necessary one. This seven foot tall, Spartan would wade through the opposition as if they were a pack of grunts.

Cortana (Halo) – because where would the Chief be without Cortana? Can a hologram beat someone up? Sure… probably, maybe.

The Arbiter/Thel ‘Vadamee (Halo) – former champion of the Covenant who defected upon realising the Prophet’s true intentions the Arbiter is included because he has a cool glowing sword thingy. He would make short work of his opponents.

Noble 6 (Halo) – because everything is better with a jetpack. You’d have a choice here between the default male and female version.

Marcus Fenix (Gears of War) – the chainsaw’s effect, the amount of blood and the language would need to be toned down a bit for the child friendly rating Microsoft would surely aim for with this game but it could be done, after all I’m sure Kratos won’t be his usual calm, mellow self in PlayStation All Stars either.

General Raam (Gears of War) – The locust general, the final boss of the original game in the series, would be nearly invincible and a kick-ass edition to any combo team.

Kameo (Kameo: Elements of Power) – sadly Rare’s Kameo didn’t really take off and the sequel was canned, however, her shape shifting abilities coupled with her other magical talents make her a no brainer for Microsoft’s brawler.

The Gunstringer (Gunstringer) – because Microsoft would probably insist that this should be a Kinect game regardless of whether or not Kinect functionality would actually make sense. Even without that feature the Gunstringer would undoubtedly be the fastest draw in the game and you know skeletal cowboys are cool.

Banjo – Kazooie (Banjo Kazooie) – another Rare series Banjo Kazooie have been a bit of a disappointment on Xbox. This bird and bear duo could be a pretty awesome team for fast strikes and power attacks. They could even draw cues from Nuts and Bolts and build weapons during a fight.

Alan Wake (Alan Wake) – with the almighty power of the flashlight he could blind his enemies or hit them with it, whichever works. Tactically placed fireworks and exploding red barrels would help Wake while he frantically typed out a version of the game where he had a laser guided RPG.

Your Avatar – because this is the closest you’ll ever get to a one on one with the Chief and this time when someone from Microsoft says “ever wanted to see your avatar’s foot? There you go, bam!” it might actually work when you karate kick someone, because we all do that in our living rooms right? Also, the girl on the far left is a black belt in mixed martial arts, probably. And if nothing else you could command a small army of Keflings to swarm your enemy.

Kaim (Lost Odyssey) – in an attempt to break into the JRPG market Microsoft tried several attempts, this was one of them. Could the combat style of Lost Odyssey, which focused heavily on accuracy, be adapted? Quite possibly or, you know, Kaim could just try to hit everything with a big sword which would be much more likely.

Shu (Blue Dragon) – one of Microsoft’s other JRPG efforts (though there were some sequels on the DS) the magical sword attacks of his blue shadow dragon would make for some pretty impressive combo attacks.

Urdnot Wrex (Mass Effect) – yes the original was published on PC and the sequels also came out on PlayStation 3 but the first game was published by Microsoft Game Studios and therefore counts for inclusion on this list. There’s a whole bunch of characters here that could make it, the Commander him/herself, the biotic Kaiden, Garrus among others but few enemies can withstand a charging krogan.

Piñata (Viva Piñata) – just for lolz. They’re more dangerous than they look you know, okay maybe not.

Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark) – another Rare character. With exceptional melee prowess and abilities with any and all weapons Dark is an ideal candidate for this title with her Perfect Dark form being triggered by successfully completing several combos in a row.

Spolsion Man/Ms Spolsion Man (Spolson Man) – because every game needs explosions of some kind (not really) but even so. Together this team could “ ‘spolde” their way through opponents in pretty short order.

Blinx (Blinx: The Time Sweeper) – yes not many people like Blinx but his vacuuming and time control abilities would make for some pretty cool power attacks.

Conker (Conker) – a foul mouther, womanizer and yet another of Rare’s creations, he definitely qualifies but again he might need to be toned done a tad for a younger age rating.

Geralt of Rivia (The Witcher 2) – Recently landed on Xbox Geralt’s witcher abilities, particularly his mind control powers, could wreck havoc on your opposing team.

The Dovakiin (Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim) – Qualifying on the rather flimsy premise of Bethesda’s annoying habit of making their DLC a timed exclusive for the 360 the Dragonborn could use magic, weapons, stealth and of course Fus-Ro-Dah to literally topple your enemies.

Reaver (Fable) – because he’s voiced by Stephen Fry, and because he’d bring a bit of style to the affair as he beats the lower classes with his cane and withering sarcasm.


Teresa (Fable) – the sister of the first Fable’s hero she may be blind but something tells me this seeress could kick some serious ass if she really wanted to.

Jack of Blades (Fable) – the protagonist’s chief rival in Fable and the Lost Chapters Jack of Blades would use the voice from the latter version which was significantly deeper and more menacing while craving foes in two with the Sword of Aeons.

Zombies (just about everything) – yes zombies are by no means exclusive to the Xbox but there are so many kinds it would be remiss not to include them. There are Call of Duty’s Nazi zombies, Plants-vs-Zombies zombies, Resident Evil zombies, the darts-vs-zombies mode from Kinect Sports Season 2 zombies, Dead Island zombies, Stubbs the Zombie. The list goes on.









There are 7 comments

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    • PwnerifficOne

      Really? The majority of the roster from those two games? Go back to your PS3 fanboy dungeon…

  1. Jew

    Id say there’s about 15-20 good choices there.BUT very few of them have the popularity that the PS3 characters also forgot Crackdown Agents

  2. BoredOfGames"Journalism"

    How the hell do you manage to misspell Kazooie? You’re writing for a gaming site, you’re online and you misspelled the title. You mistyped ‘splode later too.

    Might have been worth the time had you written more than the briefest thought on each entry and come up with platform specific characters rather than drifting into multiplatform stuff like The Witcher or Skyrim.The glut of writing like this overshadows anything worth reading, please just stop until yuo’ve got something thoughtful or new to express.

    • Querr Tee You Ee Op

      You must be the King of Journalism. Please, oh Sovereign of the Script, lead the peasants of journalism to the promised land with your immeasurable knowledge and insight. We need your guidance, for we are lost without it. /sarcasm

      If you can do it better, then make yourself a blog and get to it.Otherwise, I suggest you shut your hole.

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