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Five Things I’d Love To See In The 2012 Royal Rumble Match
It’s that time of year again…this wrestling fan’s favorite pay-per-view event, the Royal Rumble. 30 men in, 1 man left standing. It’s easily the most exciting match of the entire year, because you just don’t know what or who to expect. It may not be to the scale of WCW’s World War III (though any time WWE wants to bring that back, I’d be MORE than willing to watch it), but you can’t deny how fun the Rumble is to watch. Everyone has their own expectations, and I do know what I want, so let me sum it up in a nice five-part list…let’s call it the Five Things Of Doom.
1. Less “CM Punk And His Cronies Controlling The Ring,” More “Crazy Cluster-F Where It’s Hard To Follow The Action”
The 2011 Rumble may have been one of the most disappointing Rumbles ever, and not just because of Santino losing. They toted it as a 40-man Rumble, the first of its kind, THE BIGGEST RUMBLE EVER. Then CM Punk and his New Nexus schmucks team up and slow everything down. This is the only pay-per-view I host a party for during the year, and I don’t pay $55 to see four guys gang up on one, throw him out, then wait for the next one. The Rumble is about a large group of wrestlers in the ring at one time, with action everywhere, and no one knowing where the next elimination will come from. I can only hope that this year will go back to that, since there’s no Corre or Nexus to screw things up.
2. No Elimination Until The 15th Man Is In The Ring
Tying into the first one, the pace must be set early. I don’t want a single man to be ousted before #15 comes out. That’ll put a big group of guys in the ring and plenty of action to watch. I want guys in each corner of the ring beating the poo out of each other. I want a lot of near-eliminations where wrestlers hang by a thread before making it back in. Basically, I want a performance like Chris Jericho’s 2003 performance…he must have been nearly ejected a good ten times before he finally was ousted by Test.
Speaking of Jericho…
3. The Biggest Jeritroll Of All: The Royal Rumble Match
This one depends on what happens this Monday night, but think about this: the timer goes off, Jericho’s music hits, he runs down to the ring in his light-up jacket, slaps hands with the crowd, cheer and fist-pumps like mad, jumps into the ring, panders to the crowd while everyone watches, then jumps over the top rope on his own and leaves the match. It’s one thing to do it in a six-man tag match on Monday night, it’d be downright MAD if he eliminated himself from the Rumble. I’d love it. Of course, the Rumble could be where he finally gets his act together and wins the whole thing, but a Royal Jeritroll would be awesome.
4. A Surprise Legend Entrant Winning The Rumble, Or At Least Making The Final Two
(NOTE: I am NOT talking about returning wrestlers winning it all, like Cena in ’08 or Edge in ’10. I mean LEGENDS, like if, say, Ricky Steamboat gets in and goes the distance.)
Every year, the Rumble throws some surprises at us, like Jimmy Snuka in 2008, Rob Van Dam in 2010, and Diesel last year. These surprises make the Rumble what they are, but I can’t help but feel like they’re just wasted entrants. Do I love seeing these guys? Yes. Do I think they have any chance of winning? No, no I do not, and that sucks. I would LOVE for a blast from the past to come into the Rumble and last all the way to the final two. If he won, it’d be even more stunning. We’d never think of the random surprise entrant the same way again: “This guy won in 2012, can other Legends eventually win too?”
I even have the perfect man for the job…
5. Brock Lesnar Enters The 2012 Royal Rumble Match
Here comes the pain! He’s won before (2003), so they could roll the “experience” angle. He’s still a proverbial “brick shit house,” which people tend to forget due to his recent UFC endeavors. Most of all, what the hell is he doing right now that he couldn’t? Brock doesn’t like the constant travel of the WWE, so he’d never come back full time, but this type of appearance is PERFECT for the “The Next Big Thing.”
(Although, I guess we couldn’t call him The NEXT Big Thing anymore, can we?)
Furthermore, how pumped would you be if Brock enters at 20 and last until the final two? What a tease that would be! Minds would be racing: “If Brock wins, is he back for good?” “He JUST retired! He can’t be jumping into this ALREADY, can he?” and so on. I’d love every second of it.
If not Brock, then I’d love to see a royal helping of Boots to Asses.
As the days pass, my excitement grows more and more for the annual WWE All-Star Game (because let’s face it, that’s what it is). What will be in store for us when #1 and #2 hit the ring and the madness begins? There’s only one way to know, but a ton of ways to speculate, so have at it!