The game of the week for this week's Retro Weekly is one that is very close to my heart: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
Top 10 Silent Protagonists
Have you ever wished someone would just shut up? That someone would just stop saying whatever annoying junk came into their heads? Well the following video game characters are the perfect people for you. They are quiet, cool, and have pretty awesome games. So here they are!
1. Red (Pokemon) – Ya’ know that person I mentioned earlier that just wouldn’t shut up? Well those are the kind of people that poor ‘ol Red is surrounded by constantly. Whether it’s professor Oak rambling on about pokedexes or Blue saying, “smell ya later” every time you see him, Red can’t seem to get a word in edgewise. Maybe that’s why he secluded himself to mount Silver in Pokemon Soulsilver.
2. Gordon Freeman (Half Life series) – After from being constantly bombarded by alien attacks, head crabs, and creepy long tongued barnicles, Gordon Freeman can’t seem to open his bearded mouth and talk about it. How he managed to become a high level scientist in a secret facility is beyond me.
3. Sackboy (Little Big Planet)- He can build complex custom designed levels, hang out his tongue while slapping his cohorts, and hold on to a rocket going at top speed without flinching, but the one thing Sackboy can’t do is speak. Maybe the third installment of the series will include a custom speech function for Sackboy.
4. Steve (Minecraft)- The beautiful blocky world that is Minecraft is filled with many amazing creatures and structures, and a little human named Steve. So far as I know, however, the game contains no voice acting whatsoever, meaning Steve doesn’t get to scream in a fit of rage and swearing when he drops a diamond pickaxe in lava.
5. Chell (Portal)- Sometimes the best way to stop a bully is to simply ignore them entirely. No reaction means no reason to bully. This is Chell’s strategy against the robot bully GlaDOS. No matter how many hilarious insults spew from her AI, Chell stays calm and quiet. Unless she’s just mute, and has kept thousands of clever comebacks for the moment she gets a notepad and paper.
6. Link (Legend of Zelda series)- To be honest, Link probably doesn’t have a lot to say. He is constantly being surrounded by weird evil creatures with swords and giant obvious weak points. The only thing he might possible want to express are some cheesy one-liners after killing his hundredth pig monster. I think in the next Zelda game he should open his mouth and shout, “MY NAME ISN’T ZELDA!”
7. Crash Bandicoot (Crash Bandicoot series)- In a world ruled by deep voiced wooden masks, an evil scientist experiments on an orange bandicoot making him… Well weird. I guess when Crash fell from that tower in the first game he hit his head pretty hard, because the only sound we hear from him are odd and meaningless shouts. WAAAOHH!!
8. Mario (Mario series)- Everyone should be more like Mario. He’s an Italian plumber created by a Japanese company and is highly popular in America. Plus he has a mustache. The only flaws he really seems to have is a large beer belly and a speech impairment, allowing him to only say the words, “here we go!” And, “it’s a me! Mario!” Seriously though, nice stache.
9. Jak (Jak and Daxter series)- This guy actually manages to get over his muteness in his second title, but not a single word slips past his lips in his first game. It’s okay though, what Jak lacks in speaking, Daxter makes up for.
10. Olimar (Pikmin series)- Regardless of not being able to talk, Olimar manages to raise an army of Pikmin, use them as slaves to collect lost pieces of his ship, and fly back home using only a whistle. Just boss. Too bad he couldn’t whistle a doctor over for a nose job.