Goats: they are the monstrous creatures that haunt the worlds we explore, the nightmarish devils that populate numerous virtual hells,
The Worst Games Of 2012
Hundreds of games released in 2012. It was a great year in terms of hit releases with the likes of Mass Effect 3, Diablo 3, Borderlands 2, Halo 4, Resident Evil 6, The Walking Dead, Journey, Guild Wars 2, and plenty more.
It was also a great year for hardware with the release of the Wii U, Vita, 3DS XL, Windows Phone 8, and even more evolution of the tablets.
Take a deep breathe, though. We’re going to depart from all of the good news and delve into the dark and disturbed. Today we’re going to talk about the worst games that came out in 2012.
Without further ado, let’s begin the list of shame.
A James Bond game that incorporates all of the great Bond flicks, actors, villains, and scenes in one game? Oh man the hype for this was big. The reveals of the stages, scenes used, and villains were usually met with praise. Then the game actually game out. Turns out 007 Legends is an extremely watered down Call of Duty clone that cheapens all of the great and memorable scenes strung together in what could have been the interactive tribute to one of the best movie franchises in history. Consider this the biggest letdown of 2012 for me. At least Skyfall was amazing. Goddamn I miss Goldeneye 64…
So this is a stealth-based horror game where you guide around someone and have to protect them. Now, I don’t know anyone who is a fan of escort quests in games but having an entire game built off that premise is a risky move. When you factor in an absolutely horrible save system, stat resets, boring story, unresponsive controls, and those lovely unskippable cutscenes, you almost can’t blame the torrent of negative reviews this game got. Tis a shame, too. It did look promising early on.
Blades of Time
I’m going to admit something here: I liked X-Blades. I thought it was a fun hack-and-slash game where I could have mindless fun. Blades of Time, however? Not so much. You see it turns out that you really can churn out a story even more pointless than X-Blades to the point where it actually hurts the experience. Add in a main character who NEVER shuts up and who’s premise is a gunsword-toting treasure hunter who gets stuck on a corrupted island trying to kill her and you have yourself a recipe for disaster. Seriously, she NEVER shuts up. I have never been more annoyed with a game character. Yes, that includes Navi from Ocarina of Time.
A Kinect-powered “action baseball” game where you hurl baseballs at people in tiger suits. Somehow, this left the drawing board and made it out for release. There’s a pitch “attack” where your character jumps up into the air, stays there, flips a few times, and launches an almost Kamahamaha-like baseball “fireball”. No, I’m not making this up. I applaud Joystiq for their review subtitle, “Field of Nightmares”. There is no better way to describe this game.
Doctor Who: The Eternity Clock
Fans of this show truly deserve a good game. There are tons of possibilities within Doctor Who. A game for this franchise just needs a big budget and a team with knowledge of the show’s history and dedication. Guess what The Eternity Clock didn’t have? This game is mired in technical problems that make it almost unplayable. River Song is the only companion in the game, which isn’t a total bad thing but it’s a missed opportunity especially when you factor in the story is bouncing around from place to place. This is a very bad representation of the content that Doctor Who provides in a video game.
Dragon Ball Z Kinect
Look, I know the Kinect makes you look silly and you can’t base a game’s worth on that since you know that beforehand but holy deities does Dragon Ball Z Kinect make you look like a fool. If you’re a fan of this show then you’re guilty of pretending to power up, use Goku’s Instant Transmission, or do the fusion dance with a friend. That’s a fact, don’t try and deny it. However, when you have to the Special Beam Cannon three times because the Kinect didn’t register the precise movements needed to pull off the move in the game, you’re spelling out doom for a game that could have been… somewhat cool.
Family Guy: Back To The Multiverse
When we first saw Back To The Multiverse, it looked promising. A big time Family Guy game with honest-to-the-show gags and characters and some quirky but hilarious third-person shooting? Alright, I’ll dig. I wish I didn’t. The gags are the only good thing about this game and you can get that from the show on TV. The gameplay here is atrocious and features some of the worst third-person shooting I’ve seen since the PS1 games. Then you have the stupid, unfunny enemies filled to the brim with stereotypes and terrible AI. What this is a Family Guy game, why am I complaining about stereotypes? Oh, because its single-handedly at fault for the stupid enemy mechanics. Just watch a few episodes on TV and call it a day.
Michael Jackson: The Experience for Kinect
Now, I hate to admit that I actually played this but when I heard that the handheld versions of this game were fun for either dancing/rhythm game fans or Michael Jackson fans then I downloaded the demo for the Kinect. I’m a big fan of Michael’s Dangerous album, sue me. Let me tell you, though: what a waste of time that was. This is a dancing game that doesn’t even properly tell you how to dance to it. So how do you play? You guess. You look at the dreadful instructions that pop up and hope your contorted body pleases the Kinect. If not, you’re doomed to failure. Hey! That’s kind of just like this game!
The main character cannot die. However, he loses his limbs and has to practically piece himself back together over the course of the levels. You roll into your arms, crawl to your legs, bobble around for your heads, etc. The results of this concept? Perhaps the worst gameplay mechanics of 2012. NeverDead had the same effect on the Leviathyn staff as it did for most review outlets: it’s not fun. In fact, as much as I really wished I had my life’s time back for Diabolical Pitch, this is the one game I wish was erased from my memory from last year.
A zombie MMO by the maker of Big Rigs 2 announced just in time to take advantage of the DayZ rush? This can only be good news. Turns out, I was right. Over the last month tons of news broke about The WarZ full of controversy, lies, a Steam removal, and horrible interviews. What about the actual game, though? The WarZ is littered with hackers and is largely pay-to-win with players armed to the teeth with credit cards and gold coins. These players rule the cities and spawn points. In fact, to have any fun at all in this game is based on pure luck. There are so many campers and gankers in The WarZ that it just makes you want to quit and never return. For an MMO that most likely has plenty of upkeep costs, that is not the reaction you want.
The other bad games that didn’t crack the top 10…
- Binary Domain
- Chrono Trigger iOS port
- Little Deviants
- Marvel Avengers: Battle for Earth
- Reality Fighters
- Silent Hill: Downpour